What I have learned so far from the book called "The Ability to Enjoy Solitude" and how this book solidified my decision to "Walk Away": EvolGarlic's Barely Reads #2

Hi EvolGarlic Here, here's the newsletter from your truly EvolGarlic, from the EvolGarlic Article Pelican Newsletter on Substack :

After the first article in the "Barely Reads" series was published, one book was not enough for it, so I have brought myself three more books to indulge in the knowledge wonderland, and one of these books that I brought was something special to me, a self-improvement book that I should've been read a long time ago, but I glad to have it now, as this book has a bunch of content that relates to my "lingering past"

For those who don't know about the "Lingering Past" which I have told this story in my Special Report article about the update on my own Bullet Journal, it was an incident and chapter that happened to me a long time ago, like 5-6 years ago before I become an article writer, the chapter was, at that time, I was having no friend in real life, and during that time, I was a high school student who often gets bullied and academic pressure, so I thought I join the online club that was sharing the same passion and hobbies as I am, stay in there for just a few hour in the evening, talking to them, use that space to refuge the Turmoil during that time.

I thought that they were going to give me comfort and refuge from the Turmoil that happened during that time, but unfortunately, the opposite thing happened instead, as it went down south.

To tell you what happened during the time I was in there in an understandable and quirky imaginary way, imagine that I was baking cookies for them, putting my heart and soul into every single piece, some of the pieces even have M&Ms in them, but when the time I serve them, they completely ignore it, saying something like "I have a diet" and just push the tray away, while someone else who brought just a bag potato chip with mostly air in the bag is getting a big recognition, celebrated and partying all night, despite that guy was not even doing anything in the party, just sleeping on the sofa and snoring all night during the party.

While they were partying, I was there, dressed up as a jester, sitting in the corner of the room, awkwardly sitting still while holding the tray full of cookies, becoming a background noise for the party; someday, I couldn't even enter the party, because someone else occupied the space, and have the dog to guard the door.

These moments of "Feeling Left Out" and "Singled Out" happened for nearly 2 years, until one day, I had enough of this treatment, so I decided to quit the club and wander alone by myself.

Since then, I have been wandering in the city, finding out what to do after I left a club that I once poured my passion into until I experimented with many things like gaming (which is the first time I was using the name "EvolGarlic" as the gamer tag, playing Minecraft) Creating and trying to sell NFTs (which has gone very well, but stopped due to inconvenience caused by no money to upload another one) Rejoin the job of product reviewing on my website, and then on the Substack.

I didn't know that I was enjoying loneliness until I found a book called "พลังของคนที่กล้าทำอะไรคนเดียว" AKA "孤独をたのしむ力" which translated to "The ability to enjoy solitude" in English, popping out on my Lemon8 feed, so I put the name of this book on my journal.

At first I was skeptical about this book, and I don't know what in it, until I decide to buy it along with other 2 books.

Once I brought it along with other 2 books (which will be reviewed later in the next episode of Barely Reads) I was not expected to be exactly what I needed to clear the situation with the lingering past, so I spent time with this book, finding many interesting tips and things that relate to my situation in the past, so I highlighted the interesting thing in it.

This book was so good that I thought that I should've read this book when I was quitting that space a long time ago, fresh from hitting that "Leave the chat" and "Leave the group" button.

Hi EvolGarlic here, here we are again at the beginning of the trip to the wonderland of the book, the book that helps you enjoy solitude if you are in the same situation as me in the past, so in this episode of "EvolGarlic's Barely Reads" let's dive right in the book called "The ability to enjoy solitude" by Godo Tokio, and see what I have learned so far!.

But before we dive right into the self-improvement books, I have a little rule for you and me, *When you read a book in the category of self-improvement, you need it. adapt you read into your life, not do what is said in the book*

Now, it's time to dive in the wonderland of the book called "The ability to enjoy solitude" :

[Dare to accept your feeling, like really accept it in what is]

This book introduced me to the word "Self-Reflection," but this first tip hit me right in the gut; the tip was called "Introspection," which means introspection, of course.

Introspection means that you have to accept the feeling inside yourself as what it is, with no hiding from it, like the feeling when you are heartbroken by your love or sad after getting fired from a job; you have to accept it like "Oh, I am sad" without ignoring it.

This act of Introspection requires a large amount of courage to do it, and most people don't have enough courage to confront it, so they do things to actually "avoid" facing it, like drinking, eating, and many other things to try to run away from the pain.

But this act is kinda like covering up the stinky trash with a really thin sheet; yes, it will cover up the big mess, but the stinking scent will kick your nose, and that's a lie to yourself.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published"A person who will get up from the rock bottom point was stand up from the rock bottom point by the confidant of accepting the pain and raise over it"

[Don't try to "Forget" it, "Remember" it]

When we feel heartbroken, or in my case, feeling invisible in the party, like I am blending in the background, the book suggests a way to stand up from this hiccup, but the method is kinda unique: instead of "Forgetting it" the book suggests "Remember the fun moment in the past"

At first, I was puzzled by this tip. Does it help me and the lingering past? If I remember correctly, I rarely had any fun moments at that party, mostly me getting ridiculed, sidelined and many more.

The book suggests that we have to take a look back at the past and indulge in the good memories, this might make us more tearful or sad than before, but then we will start to accept the pain, although we might shed more tears enough to fill up 2 bottled water, but doing this alone will help us face the truth that raise from the heart.

I was doubtful about this tip, so I tried it, trying to recall many moments that the party let me join; it took many months to do it, but soon, the truth started to rise from the bottom of my heart.

To make it more clear for myself, I added one thing to it, that thing called "Accept the truth that the party hates me, no matter how much I want to go back and prove myself again" This method took 2 times to work, but in that process, I am crying my heart out.

And then it was like a gong sound, the lingering past started to make sense, and now I look at it from the outsider perspective that "Hey, I think that they used to be important folks for me, but they are not thinking like that, it is sad, but they got the party and work to do, and I have a work and life to live, that's all, nothing else" and that's what the book has said.

[if your "Friend" does not love you with an honest heart, that's not a friend!]

This section has hit me in the guts and helped me solidify my decision not to go back to that party with a statement that said :

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published"But if you are being yourself and getting hated, can you still call them your friend? Spending time with people like this is a waste of time.

When you accept other people and other people accept you for what you are, that's a real relationship called friend"

And it is true, despite my effort to understand and accept them, they are not doing the same to me, so yes, my decision to walk away was true after all!

["A friend to consult in times of need" is not necessary.]

Some believe that having a ton of friends to consult during an urgent time of need is necessary; the author just wanna tell you that it is not "necessary" because the "time of need" doesn't have a real meaning.

Then the author gave me an example that when he was a teenager, he didn't tell his problem of love and relationship with his female friends, because he didn't think that was "Consult" but rather "Venting"

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published"That was from the fact that you can't manage your feelings, so you are venting to someone for emphatic and soothing, but if you have "The Ability to Enjoy Solitude," you will consult it yourself and find the solution by yourself.

When we grow up, the issues that our teenagers self have are gone, and our friends can't even help us.

When you have a really "urgent emergency," you should pay for real consulting, like if you are sick, make an appointment with the doctor, if you have a problem with the law, ask a lawyer, etc.

On the other hand, if you select your friend to consult you on something and they don't have experience or knowledge about it, it could make you more at risk of making a bad decision."

Well, I remember that I used to ask them (the people at the party) about some of the problems, but they did not respond, even worse, talking to other and completely skip mine question, and I thought I was done, (at that moment, it was the beginning of the breaking point that leads me to quit the party) until this section of this book clears it.

[Just change the group of friends]

If you stay in a group of friends that accept you for what you are, it is fine, but what about the opposite of that? What if you act badly during the time in that group? That means your friends don't accept you for being you; in this case, change it and find another group or community that accepts you.

I remember that I was not being myself back then when I was at this party, and as much as I hated to leave the space that shared the same passion, I decided one day to quit the party, leaving a heartfelt message, throwing my apron in the trash (basketball style, slam dunk that apron in the trash can) and walk away from this party to find another community to live in, and as far as I can tell, I am so much happy in another community than in the old party, I can express myself and feel good about it.

[Profiling: a best way to understand people]

Worries and stress are mostly from the "Interpersonal relationships" sometimes, we have a hard time understanding people who have a really "Hard to understand" personality, like, really hard to understand, so what's the best way to solve this? Profiling!

Profiling is the method that police and detective use to understand human behavior and intentions base from the crimes that happen before, for example, certain people with a this mindset will most likely to be the one who commit crime or people with this kind of behavior will most likely commit this type of crime, this system will help solve and prevent the crime.

In the reality, we use this system to understand other, like, the time when you met someone with the weird speech skill, you will accept it that he is like this, or when you meet the person who are really finicky, so you observe his behavior and change the way you talked with him next time you have a conversation with him.

The more you understand and profile, you will understand each person and change your behavior to fit in each person's personality, that will make our mind stable.

Although this trick is good, unfortunately I discovered it too late. It should have been discovered when I was at the party, but it's fine by me right now.

[People who are scared to do the Profiling are the one who scare about loneliness]

In the opposite of people who do profiling to understand people, those who don't are the ones who are scared about "how the other will look at them" but not actually understand people.

So in their mind, they don't have a space to do the profiling, like, their brain is full of nonsense, no space in the cabinet of people who they need to do the profiling, so that means that they will shallowly judge others without understanding.

[Life is not a musical chairs game, No need to compare it to others]

This section gone hard on me and the situation, because the author of this book just hammered down this statement :

Everyone is not born for the others, and our life is not a musical chairs game, so trying to compare or “Compete for fame” is not going to bring any happiness for us.

Imagine this, you are in the musical chairs game, where you have to walk around a bunch of chairs when the music starts, aiming for the available chair that you hope no one will occupy, while the outsiders of the game are just watching everything unfold.

This does not translate to living alone and cutting your relationships with society, or acting too minimally, but the meaning of this statement is that, accepting that others are happy in their own way, we are happy in our own way.

And when I thinking about it, if the people in that party is happy to partying everyday, and I am happy in my own way, typing article and reading books, there’s no need to chase each other’s happiness, or if I had to put it in the most honest way, live separate from each other, different world.

It was hard to accept this fact at first, because at that party was sharing my passion that I also love too, but it is took like really long time to actually eat the bitter truth.

[See yourself back in the day with the photo of yourself in the past]

Thinking that you haven't changed? There is a trick! Just search for your old photo of yourself in the past, old social media posts that you posted a long time ago and even a diary of yourself in the past.

Thinking about the time when you are still in the school’s fence and seeing how you are thinking back then, what’s your dream and goal or what’s worrying you.

This trick will put you in the beginning of where you are now, see the reason why you are here in the present, even though the past is kinda funky, you’ll see how far you evolved from and how much you have changed.

If I had to look at myself like 10+ years ago, I have to say that I has evolved far from what I was back then, and let me tell you, I was wild, as I really love television (back then when television is worth watching) still don’t know the world around me fully and just basically acted like teenager.

But I am proud of myself that I evolved from that point to the article writer who cooks articles weekly and is more calm and wise.

[Revealing our "flaws" gives us a sense of relief.]

People who are scared of doing things alone love to avoid showing their flaws, thinking that the flaws will lead to getting ridiculed or getting sidelined to the field because of the flaws.

Not only the flaws, but the mistakes are also feared, because they believe that "Mistakes" are really bad things, and they don't want others to see that they are talentless, and then it leads to doing nothing.

But in reality, people who enjoy solitude really love to show their own flaws and accept it as one of their quirks in their identity. "Accept your own shortcomings" to be exact.

At this point, when people ridicule you for those flaws, you will think "hey, there are these types of people" and ignore it, the reason why? Because "People who like to ridicule other people's shortcomings are not necessary for you, cut it out from your life"

This was another hard-hitter this book gave me, because during the party, people ridiculed me for my speech skill and such, and I was glad to leave that party.

So now, the point is that, people who held the flaws will start to rotten inside bit by bit, for example, people who ain't rich but pretend to be one, people who are not really great at anything but pretend to be great at everything and people who are selfish but pretend to be friendly with everyone.

The more you hold it, the worse it gets, like an old concrete pole on the beach, getting hitted by the sea everyday. The salt in the sea is eating and eroding the foundation everyday.

But those who reveal their identity will live with open-mindedness and ease in their lives, because they don't hold it till it corrodes down.

[People who are scared of doing things alone will worry about things in society and/and life]

This segment of the book introduced me to a way to confront myself other than self-reflection: Reading books.

Yes, reading books will make you and me enjoy being alone; on the opposite side, those who are scared of being alone will spend time on social media and don't understand the relationship between themselves and real society.

Our minds will be balanced once we control the distance between the influence of ourselves and society or ourselves and others.

And those people who don't do self-introspection will not have enough knowledge about the things that happen in real society and how they affect others and themselves, so they worry about society and life all the time.

That leads to "Scare because don't know" situations like getting a scamming email or phone call that takes away the money and information (well, I dealt with those scammers on the phone frequently last year, like telling them that my name is slowpoke, telling them that that I have some of the money in the bank account, which is the defunct bank, and many more. ) or scaring about credit cards and the complexity of it.

Of course, if you understand the complexity of the structure of society, you can handle it, but how do you gain the knowledge to understand it all? Reading books!

And then the author told me that books now have a lot of subjects in everything possible, so reading a book is the best way to fill your brain with knowledge.

[Knowledge can help you Profiling every story]

Profiling is not just only a way to understand people around you, but it can also be used to understand the world around us.

People with poor management of information will have less and really narrowed mindset and just don’t understand anything that happens around them, and then start worrying.

The author suggest that to know and understand things around us: Read Books, for adding more perspective and mindset for anything that happen in our world, Soon you can start “Profiling” anything that happen around us, like for example, a news about the criminals who print out the weapon by a 3d printer, you will look at this news in more perspective than just one, as you might shocked about the news like “Hey, it should have a control for it”, but you will also looking at it like “Hey, 3D printer can print anything, like model and such, it fast and efficient, and even useful for medical and architecture. This might open my new opportunities for more business!.”

So, the profiling system not only works with people, but also things that happen around us too.

[Life and Health is the base of everything.]

The author introduced to me another hard-hitting statement about reading books, as the author says that health and life is the base of everything, a healthy life means a happier life and more opportunities to do many things.

On the other hand, bad health limits us.

So the author read the books about health, Body Structure, The process of disease occurrence, food that is good for your health and products that care for our health, as long as the information in the book is true and reliable.

The author also checked the news about the accident as a way to prevent it.

[Add more “Vocabulary” in your head will reduce your “Worrying”]

This part of the book was another one that hit me hard because I didn't expect to find this statement to be true, like really hitting me hard.

The statement said, "If you read more books, you will understand the rules, complexity, and structure of everything in the world more, it will lessen your worrying, and you have more hope, knowledge will fix your [Anxiety] that you have, and will help you go through the obstacle"

That statement hit me again, and in the good reason, because the statement is revealing the purpose of the Barely Reads series.

Although my intention for opening up this article series to just review books, but the statement give it another reason and intention: to expanding my horizon of life and learning.

[To Sum Up This whole ride through this book]

It went from a guide to self-introspection to understanding the world through books, this book is really good, if I had discovered it at the time I left that party, it would have made sense for me and helped me find my ground quickly, starting EvolGarlic quick like months after leaving that party, but since I can't ask time lord to deliver this book to myself in the past, I am glad to found this book in this year, as it "Validate" my decision to go alone and enjoy what I am doing now.

Of course, all of the trick and tips that I was typing in this newsletter are some of my favorite from this book, there’s more chapter and things in this book that I was not tapping into it yet, but so far, this book was held a special place in my heart, as this book was a “Validation“ that confirm my decision to go and do things alone.

That’s all from me, EvolGarlic, reporting from the Barely Reads Series. See you again in the next episode. I hope you enjoy the ride along with me into the wonderland of books, magical properties that expand our mind and knowledge. Until then, see you next time!

That's a wrap for today's edition of EvolGarlic's Article Pelican Newsletter on Substack! For those who thirst for more of EvolGarlic's enlightening content, consider becoming a subscriber to the Pelican. Free subscribers will receive tantalizing articles straight to their inbox, while paid subscribers gain access to the full buffet of articles. Should you wish to support EvolGarlic's literary escapades, feel free to visit EvolGarlic's Ko-fi page. Your donations contribute to the acquisition of a shiny new ThinkPad, a camera, and other essential gear that empowers EvolGarlic to craft even more captivating content. A heartfelt thank you for your readership, and anticipate the excitement of the next article!

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